“12 For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. 13 For we are not writing to you anything other than what you read and understand and I hope you will fully understand— 14 just as you did partially understand us—that on the day of our Lord Jesus you will boast of us as we will boast of you. 15 Because I was sure of this, I wanted to come to you first, so that you might have a second experience of grace. 16 I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, and to come back to you from Macedonia and have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this? Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say “Yes, yes” and “No, no” at the same time? 18 As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. 20 For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. 21 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, 22 and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.” (2 Cor 1:12-22 ESV)

Ratcheted up, swirling and evoking, the soldier’s personal space, ambiance, creed and coherent Whole is also inducted into a strange experience: that all of us have deep things going on; all of us can, as though timid though a soldier, come out of our shell… not on a whim nor on command per se, but because of a Unique Experience, the Experience of just the right words coming across the wavelength, of a blessed Encounter with goodness, with Mercy, with Jesus.

We are heard. We had spent the night coaching ourselves back to a living Witness or Faith, a living Certainty: God is in our corner; the mission involves, as was long ago told in allegory, long bouts of insane boredom or faltering false foundations. God does not humor us with pedantic entertainments, except that He does! To shut out so much noise and culture, is to alight upon, to tune in to, to be that ravenous receiver of all things. We receive: He gives.

That experience, then, of Grace as told above only imperfectly, comes to us down the chutes of banal and egregious bouts of long whimpering Work. We signed up, longing to go great guns on the Project and Mission, on the Duty and Christianity of it all. Instead, we were tasked with unglorified mess hall duties or sweeping up, janitorial duties and chilly nights shivering with no objective in sight. Instead we got jaded, angular spiritually, around Questioning: does God care? Just tell me what to do! The mock horror of an enemy interloper, who mocks Christian religion by “offloading” her or his own sins onto the would-be (would-be alone, not any pretense) prophet or leader: “He, She is Jesus… he or she should be blamed for all that’s wrong with the world”. The poor interloper, therefore, has never had the experience of genuine love, perhaps. Is insecure. But is their insecurity our concern, as turret guns are raised and lowered on a dime, and the company is demoralized by the whispering, falsely smiling, cute factor. The mock horror. The invite only jestingly made: if you’re a Christian now, well that means you are like Christ, right? So let’s see you lead! Let’s see you solve my depression! Let’s see you, etc… It is a travesty and mockery of all sincere efforts by any and all would-be Christians, to get Anything done in this life.

The experience, however, of Grace… we ought be more self-composed and confident not to go petty and catty around other people’s sins: these sins will be but a footnote in the History, when finally it is told. Or, like the contrast between the German Reformation and the English Reformation, in the latter case the histories were preserved; not so much in the former case. But these sins will be but a footnote, and we are those “crazy” that: if we’ve had that experience of being heard and loved by Jesus, why would we ever allow ourselves to be baited or goaded into a catty or prosecutorial jaunt? These things, too, shall pass. We shall emerge without finger-pointing or unloving gestures.

The Mission, therefore, needs talons, grip, wings, and heart, to Inspire the cloistered nun or monk who Fights for Christ. The Mission needs Duty discharged, to recall that we are not “gone flat” ever, but are lofty and held aloft in Hope: that the myriad spirits who clamor for our attention, now, are but passing fancies in the wind. Some are depressive; others forlorn; yet others moaning about when Tomorrow will ever come. Because we go gambit and full throttle through Myriad Spirits, trying no longer to be on the side of “Right” alone, but also to realize we are guided through each and every false spirit “out there”: spirits not originating in Christ. We begin to see, oh, so this is why so-and-so always seems elsewhere, on a different wavelength. This must be their spirit I’m imbibing.

Our spirit, the soldier’s Spirit, communicates across a void minus any and all nominal explanatory, legalistic devices. They cannot comprehend, that spirit speaks to spirit, across a void. Our friends, we meet them in dreams and in waking nod on the street. But to hear in us any thought of hate for a friend… this is wrongheaded, and friends will ally and band together time come. We spend a decade or more prosecuting one so-called “revealed moment”, not understanding innate inspired spiritual outlay, that even the unguarded moment was with artifice and design, calculated not to reveal anything secret, sacrosanct, hidden, preserved. We keep this code of silence, to a fault, some say. We ought be shouting to counselor and barroom drinking partner, of the gig underway at such-and-such institution or church. But by not so doing, perhaps our soul is kept intact and our salvation assured. That we didn’t go “Catty” or “petty”.

We will get through this. Tomorrow will come. These spirits, that ebb and flow, that invade and dispel, these too shall pass. We shall be found in right soldiering mind, our spirit—though rare, though others offer top dollar for any spycraft directed against us—is one we willingly, humbly share and use in service to the team and to the community. We do not hoard our spiritual receivables. We do not go secluded because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord. Instead we constantly send the email, make the call, live into unproud roles as Children of the Most High. And our bouts of doubt, of “entertain me, already”, or “let me grouse a bit”, these meet with a second chance and a third chance. Because God sees as mere mortal cannot see, that we carve ditches for ourselves in order to elevate the hatred directed our way, the ennui planted on top of us, the discord that swerves into our thoughtspace. We go for broke, because we anticipate an annihilation rather than Eternal Life: Tomorrow will come; sure, we’ll be living out the consequences of our actions; but true, too, we’ll be living into the walk-on-water end to ill decisions because our loving Parent loves us no matter what, no need to try to prove to Her or Him that we aren’t worthy. We Are Worthy, in Christ’s record book. We shall see Him face to face one day, again. Two thousand years after the first startling case of Unbounded Love and Divine Experiential ministry. We were changed. We were heard. We were lightly lifted up and held.