2024-10-26 A Meditation on Self-Assessment

“12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. 17 Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18 Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.” (Phil 2:12-18 ESV)

As we assess ourselves, past record does besmirch our present day self-awareness. More: just to see the tip of the iceberg, we throw up our hands in defeat perhaps. Yet we have, that is correct, the scriptures. Yet we have, that is correct, the church’s teaching on forgiveness. Nevertheless, all this calls upon the powers that be: we need an Advocate! We need some plain-spoken assessment that reminds us, if remembrance is what it takes, we are good folk and patient trusted souls. We are trusted, after all, in the View of tomorrow’s war and today’s Readiness. Because those most needed are likely also those with growing pains most severe.

Severe, therefore, the level of our spiritual protection, because we do have that Advocate: no mere friendly face will do; our sins… we’ve done our best to besmirch the entire endeavor. But in the hands of a Good Friend, an Advocate, an Attorney, we can rise up with elated Forgiveness spelt out. And then we can return to being those holy and chosen souls, certain we are compatible with good deeds, even if we are equally certain we are Different, yet are still equal to our differently-evolved peers in terms of Goodness.

For, the priest grumbles and looks down upon meek we from her or his competitive spirit; welcome this, O ye sinner, for the titular role, “Priest of the Church”, is not lightly applied, but only for those properly Called and Chosen. And we shall always be those oddballs, but patience dear Sinner: ye need not prove it or discount the Affection via your own ill deeds! How, after all, do any star quarterbacks, forward line of kickers, ever survive the veritable spiritual War called Growing Up? If you think I’m holy thus-and-so-far, well let me tell you a tale! Let me see you in your proud stance, and walking all over people who think they deserve it. Or let me see you blight your loving family, or motor through romantic partners or friends.

That is, only through the lens of compassionate suffering for the Cause, do we begin to see: only those truly Christian souls will appreciate that a third realm was administering Peace and Calm to my condition. And by any worldly court, I have made a muck of things. No matter: those who wish for—that patently severe priest—my contrition: look instead at my inspiration, that that old game called “Confession” I have already run through, and now the joy, the excitement, the courage to man up and face life head-on, is in light of a Tomorrow War met Today: as a Soldier, if that can be excused for leap-frogging over so much detritus in-between.

This is Resurrection life. This is an exciting duty, one for which I am certain I bring those same gifts to the table for, as I am certain I have peace with the neighborhood crowd I walk through the midst of each and every other day. With the Church crowd. With the souls Servant and Modest, worry not, O leader of a tribe: you may assess yourself fundamentally as lover of souls, and as a Beneficiary of the doctrine of Mercy. In this you will find your camaraderie, not in the steely gaze of the dispenser of priestly absolution. What do you want? Groveling lists of embarrassing concessions past? Groveling lists of friends left behind or romances un-consummated?

Therefore the Call is no self-righteousness, but rather a certainty that I can look Ahead rather than behind. Only this suffices as sufficient Reason to fight and to labor on, with pluck and composure; with calm and meek demeanor. For, no man nor woman is capable of rightly administering the Absolution needed, until we accept their Words as having Divine Origin. People will disappoint us. Friends “saved” for the genuine affection of simply knowing that they’re “out there”, will not be the sum of our life’s purposes, quite. We dive into Tomorrow because it is worthy of us, wretched and sinful, hated and detested by some, yet our Proper Calling and Duty to make much of each life’s value.

Remember, O soldier, the bettering qualities of your person. Remember, if you dare to wean yourself off of this substratum called self-loathing, the “I hate myself”s becoming “Here I stand; Sign me up; grateful, O Señor!” And a few precious souls are licensed no longer to be in that potential hornet’s nest called church life, called life at the helm, but to go broad and go deep: an “illegal” level of joy and of fellowship.

Because we were heard. People did have some measure of goodness in them, we just had to look. People were trying, and if we ended up the butt of the joke or the sore thumb, well then welcome a contrarian religion called Christian, whose Leader makes much of the loser’s end of any equation. Warm yourself with such thoughts, because it is an Outward Soul, a Patient Advocate, who hears and who makes right the endeavor. With sufficient authority as to be believable. Yes! I am a New Creation! Yes! I am sincerely written through-and-through with no false Obsessive Truth Claim, but with a river of forgiveness and of mercy so alien I almost forget it doesn’t make any peace with secular worldly things. They can hate; I man up and soldier on!

In plain speech, your center of gravity is differently-placed. No worry, soldier on. No worry, wait. Look for the friend in alien clothing. Look for the friend at your dutiful, proper level of operating. The Christian skeptic probably is a tier or two above the plain church’s dealings, at least at the downward level. We, too, must keep our eyes on the prize, while not neglecting to make local peace and go through local motions. If we are appreciated more at some deeper debate, in or out of church, then let it be in light of humble appreciation and lack of disdain around what simple souls are factually placed in our paths. Who mostly get so much “right”. Who are our sheepfold, and we like them bleating sheep seeking a Savior. Seeking a Testimony, and no idolatry around that gushing empty appreciation but real felt absolution and loving up upon the hour.