“6 So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” 7 He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. 8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” 9 And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. 10 And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, 11 and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.” Matthias Chosen to Replace Judas 12 Then they returned to Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is near Jerusalem, a Sabbath day’s journey away. 13 And when they had entered, they went up to the upper room, where they were staying, Peter and John and James and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot and Judas the son of James. 14 All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and his brothers. 15 In those days Peter stood up among the brothers (the company of persons was in all about 120) and said, 16 “Brothers, the Scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit spoke beforehand by the mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus. 17 For he was numbered among us and was allotted his share in this ministry.” 18 (Now this man acquired a field with the reward of his wickedness, and falling headlong he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out. 19 And it became known to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so that the field was called in their own language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) 20 “For it is written in the Book of Psalms, “ ‘May his camp become desolate, and let there be no one to dwell in it’; and “ ‘Let another take his office.’ 21 So one of the men who have accompanied us during all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and out among us, 22 beginning from the baptism of John until the day when he was taken up from us—one of these men must become with us a witness to his resurrection.” 23 And they put forward two, Joseph called Barsabbas, who was also called Justus, and Matthias. 24 And they prayed and said, “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all, show which one of these two you have chosen 25 to take the place in this ministry and apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place.” 26 And they cast lots for them, and the lot fell on Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” (Ac 1:6–26 ESV)

Excuses gone ghost, absent, missing in action, it behooves the prayer warrior, assembling, reassembling, to work up to a right principled stand. Right awareness, actionable items, never apologizing for staying in the cut, in the fold, in the modicum of prayer. We stay put: because our ground is held firm, because we can dare to forgive ourselves; because we were on some odd day of the Lord’s bargaining and choosing, Created and Formed, made into soldiers not because it was some childhood dream but because He saw, and He knew: knew in the end not every wild-eyed inability quite to Operate fully, the weight of the day being so great, not every such Abstruse Point is negative, nor is every such Abstruse Point duplicitous, double-minded, self-congratulatory, feigned: we can and do Literally wear heart on sleeve and do Care, do Mind the news channels, do Serve because we feel a Principle, not as self-flattery of oh how noble we are.

The weight of That Day’s bargain, it’s a wonder we ever had the Patience and Timely-Sensibilities to get any “A”’s in the bargain. Yet our Bargain… somehow God has redeemed the wandering years: the life of the party, the soldier-to-be (one day) but today life-of-the-party is never something onerous or subjugating: we actually can and do Love (have you ever, O man, loved another man? Have you ever, O woman, loved another woman?).

Safely sheltered from Too Much Christianity, perhaps, because see the cynicism pregnant and waiting: that says, all faith—no way, it can’t be so simple—all faith is a lobster trap: “get them into the fold, and then and only then really turn the screws…”. Sad to say, so many trapped in this purgatorial mess, that the loss is in the hands not of the recipients of ill treatment, but their handlers. Their handlers who by denying another soul forgiveness, deny themselves Anything sublime, subtle, succulent, and blood-gifted in that full costume of Christ’s sacrifice. 

Because it lies in our very words, that our reassurances… sometimes they are all Affirmations which—though appreciated—maybe is a theft from the “I just love the various ministries going on around here…”; a theft from, “well we don’t have all the answers, but let us pray…”; a theft from, “Thank you for your collegiality, and pastoral affinity; I’m however going to depart for now, for a spell, if that’s okay…”. Because Christ lived only once in one hundred percent Mode, perhaps, and that being His Cross: the End inevitable and forlorn, resented but tolerated, of what transpires the moment we Dare to stand up and be counted.

Because in the end, we have Learned in some school of apostleship and discipleship, to make the “A” grade, because those long days when—it’s all I got just to stay calm—are days not quite at the sick ward, but nonetheless Subdued by some heavy Spirit. And said spirit, we embrace God’s Spirit forsooth, but the Project… we envision… we calculate… it will Draw me in, and leave me weeks, hours, months later only then emerging… yet such is our calculation of Mission, of purposed Operation. Ours is an Operation fully vetted and, though we get sick of our own verbiage at times, it is an Operation of Consecrated types of folks, special agents of the Crown and quietly loving Patterns of Fatherhood, Motherhood shown. Sometimes it is Inspiring to the kids… to see that people at the helm, some of the time, our fears of a corrupted and punitive society… there are good folk put into place.

To that punitive society, it is a Call for radical insight and prophecy, because just biding the days will never be enough, when a Satan in the mix is banking on his or her own suicidal Insanity and Full Hog corruption. No, the patient prayers of the Saints, these as we hold hands around the circle, these are Inspired and Revolting at the same time: we walk a fine line between what is subtle and unheard of, and what is Front and Center the notion du jour. We are weird and wonderfully made. We can after all Spark Up, after getting some reassurance: we can and do Rise to God’s occasion for service.