2023-11-10 A Meditation on Hierarchy and Selfhood

“5 When he had entered Capernaum, a centurion came forward to him, appealing to him, 6 “Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, suffering terribly.” 7 And he said to him, “I will come and heal him.” 8 But the centurion replied, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, but only say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I too am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. And I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes, and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” 10 When Jesus heard this, he marveled and said to those who followed him, “Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith. 11 I tell you, many will come from east and west and recline at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, 12 while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” 13 And to the centurion Jesus said, “Go; let it be done for you as you have believed.” And the servant was healed at that very moment.” (Mt 8:5–13 ESV)

Headship belongs to our commander in arms, the hierarchy, and the organization. Yet in the thick of things, in the fog of battle, we answer only to our own selves. Patient selves, lancing-forth selves, a living vivid image of ourselves stepping forth, putting foot ahead of foot, things we didn’t know we had in us, now are ours via that simple daily nutrient regiment, or rather, not any personal bible study, quiet time; not for those efforts and works are we today militarized and forward. We are today simply those souls Called and Servant-minded. Others have done the PhDs and earned the title of Authority on Some Things; as for us, it is simply the heat of the hour that draws out a living Faith, a Vivid self-coloring, a Copacetic self-guidance.

Guided, guided missiles of prayer, of that fog wherein a shadow of ourselves is vivid and Acting, we have become strong and guided by a self’s quieter hour wherein we were quite naked before our God, wherein we were given little tokens—of friendship, of camaraderie, of simple mutual respect between two people or one and a crowd—that secretly were intending to strengthen us and reassure us we were being prayed for.

We were being held up by a better half of our population, those who think out a good hour of their time simply as a pastime whilst engaged in mundane tasks: to list and think out the lives of people like simple us, to reassure that the prayers are not coming from Man’s higher self ambitions, but rather it behooves the prayer warrior simply to start, no claim to be the author any longer of such good forays. It is the Holy Spirit who humors and lifts up and cheers and reminds, somewhere, somehow, we are prayed for. It is the Holy Spirit who puts those timely thoughts into the minds of the warrior of prayerful works.

Good works are ours to marvel at, to catalog and wonder if anything can be contributed by our peculiar gifts, our peculiar station, our reality as a cohort on the front lines, in the trenches, see the prayers lifted up, see their ability to vouchsafe us unto an Eternity here and now. See their decision to rest even half-wakeful and watchful, as it occurs to us the enemy needs prayer as well.

We are no stranger to captivity. The Babylonian captivity of the church, and of the enemy as much as of a former ideation of ourselves. That some deeds compel themselves, they occur without rhyme or reason, without forethought or plan, with little concern for the risk and illegal nature of them. We are swept up in ways sinful and sin-addicted at times, yet we are those now sage and focused, centered and blessed. Passed over. And yet the inimical spirit, the enemy’s knit brow and furious gaze; are they, too, able to pray through this hour? Or is it only our might and fighting position that restrains a deeper debacle, a trend unto murderous rage and capitulation. No, we long ago became souls innocent and uncapitulating. We received back all we’d foregone a hundred-fold, family and friends and comrades and teachers. All these things are ours to live into, broadly, widely and of agreeable phalanx of togetherness. And still, to be wise as to the evil of our alternate half, the evil of the unregenerate and unconvicted. So we lead, in the fog all alone, in the light of day under authority and hierarchy. That is our boast and our pride, to be a capable and dynamic host, ready to labor on in the fight, ready to carry in prayer the sin-addicted or simply forgotten hearth of our enemies.