“12 For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. 13 For we are not writing to you anything other than what you read and understand and I hope you will fully understand— 14 just as you did partially understand us—that on the day of our Lord Jesus you will boast of us as we will boast of you. 15 Because I was sure of this, I wanted to come to you first, so that you might have a second experience of grace. 16 I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, and to come back to you from Macedonia and have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this? Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say “Yes, yes” and “No, no” at the same time? 18 As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. 20 For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. 21 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, 22 and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. 23 But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. 24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith.” (2 Cor 1:12-24 ESV)

Any religion designed by our instincts or best reasonings, is a religion that mocks humankind. For, we fantasize that we can be “good boys”, “good girls” if only we are removed and cautious enough. However, Christ came to End the stigma against radical Action, against radical Pain, against radical Forward-Momentum. He stepped up to the plate because Something a little less cautious needs to be accomplished.

But we fear we will be less than perfect. Our inner dialog revolves around some attempt to Please, but to do so on our own terms. Literally more saved is the addict on the corner than the staid church-goer, if we must be honest. Literally more productive (in Kingdom-work) is the harried Atheist than the squeaky-clean saint. As items of interest to the King, to the Lord on High, our task is first of all Repentance from dead works.

First of all Faith that our jaunts forward, staccato, rhythm and beat, these will earn a Purr, a murmured Approval. God knows our flaws, and He hates it when we spend all day trying to prove we’ve “Improved”, “Graduated”, “Gone Clever”. We are after all Clever in Christ, but the time is long past to be Perfect. More, the ante is Upped: every word murmured, every internet foray indulged, every passing dialog… God judges and God is multifarious, Team, Godhead divine: who Sees and does not pass by without making Judgment. “I know your flavor, young soul! And what you need…” We do hope, after all, that our private thoughts now made Public, that these will meet with a Generous response rather than with demotion and Judgment.

But that is a matter for Faith. It is a matter for laughing at ourselves a bit, trying to make a proper sliding scale of our own Rank and level of Ascent. What is our rank, after all, as officers of the Cross? And too often we confuse Christian perfection with covetous desire to have the topmost echelon. To attain to untold heights. Which is a false motive, one long ago repented of perhaps, because we also are first to scold and criticize our own flawed Nature. So our “sliding scale” is more of “two poles”, radically antithetical and never dually held in mind, never held in mind at the same time.

Therefore we strive to be Integrated, to have both those poles operating in synchronicity, in order that our patient reminders to self: “Show some appreciation…”; “Show submission…”; “Be perfect…”, these reminders come down to Acting rather than curling up, come down to Operating rather than to hedging our bets, come down to Fighting rather than to feigning a peaceful stance.

The drill-sergeant then helps us to Integrate, the Basic Training helps us to go radio silent, never snitching even if in our private prayer closet; goodness, the internet teaches us as much. That there is increasingly a notion of a “permanent record”, electronically. More, that we are “at war” and do well, even if “therapeutically” it is better to talk things through, to externalize, to mine the heart and mind, that in wartime, this is a luxury no longer indulged. In our prayer closet we are sharp and militant. In our private browsing we are stern and restrained. In our Engagement with the brother or sister in Christ (“Do we not have the right to bring along a believing sister or brother?” (1 Cor 9:5)) we know certain messy indulgences, these break fellowship on a broader scale. It is a situation where we can’t have it both ways: because… this is a mystery most spiritual… we lose sight of our own lust and covetous desire, our false end goals. 

More, however, the Gospel makes no judgments on the affairs of the heart, except that Christ be Glorified. We moreover do not “Resent” or “Long for” those sins of the past that we repented of; others are not “getting away with things”, rather, we are those more fortunate. We believe this, and do not resent the brother or sister who is rather long in face and sad about their sins.

Any avoidance of pain, or attempt to be “pro-social”, “getting along” and such: God’s deeds are at times radical and different. They go to the Cross. They lead to immediate ostracisation and penury. We have to mourn all those opportunities past when we tried to “get along”, while also accepting Immediate blanket forgiveness and a New Tomorrow. We will Engage the enemy. We will Shock the gathered community. We will use heart and soul rather than fists, to Demonstrate a path forward. And the insight as to how, exactly, to do this, it alights upon the Prayer Warrior or upon the Patient and Excluded one, the spiritual side honored and the thoughts tamed or made invitational to Inspired, unexpected, intruding Brilliance. It is an intrusion so sublime, so wondrous, as easily to be mocked or blasphemed. But such is the Call to each to die, the Call to suffer, the Call to Give without reward or recompense. And as some in the church do master this Call, others are to be pitied for having not repented of their false idols, lusts, and hurried token observances. Really, it’s all right there in Scripture. And we do well to ask the Holy Spirit to open our eyes Anew. So we can read with radical imitation in mind.