2024-12-08 A Meditation on Discipling

“7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Php 3:7-11 ESV)

To question ourselves is to practice a back-and-forth called Discipling. To question our mindset, this is a precious inclination, and draws out two notions: fully aware, and operating by accident or by rote. The latter mocks the former, because having hit bedrock we are Aware and Cognisant of just who and what our sphere of thought actually in fact is all about: we “snap out of it” and recognize a sleepwalk.

The former—fully aware—presupposes that there is a sense of Agency and Purpose that we can master. But ultimately to question ourselves, to self-Disciple, learns no mockery of our actions but a sensitive Absolution of all we say, think, and do. This discipleship is Immediate: it denies the Evil One that claim we are only ever halfway there. We begin to operate under an Authority called Judgment, called Mercy, called Ebb-and-Flow, called Give-and-Take. We anticipate and are first to forgive these our peers if they seem completely unaware of what Actually and In Fact they are up to. The judging of others. The frustrated lunges. The mock horror around being “Too Christian”: for they say to themselves, I know we’re to love our enemies, but I can only take it so far! We had to learn something of what love we naturally emote and give to others when we are comfortable.

That is, to question ourselves and practice that back-and-forth called Discipling, is somehow—is it an illusion?—to step back and observe a perched and poised, a presuppositional Mental Frame that is poised and ready to address Questions tossed its way, to make Decisions for the greater good of each other and of mankind, to Correctly Ascertain the sin or the malaise, and be first responders of the Crown, of the Mission, of the hasty show put on.

To be Discipled is to have lost all frameworks of foolish strength or unholy boldness, but also not to go the way of “the Best lack all conviction”: we are to Act even prior to that perfect platform or mentalism or self-observing perch. We must learn to Act even prior to “fixing” all our own sins. We must have some holy Boldness around the enactment of Good Intentions being a fact of life: that the goodness is ours to claim when once we’ve operated initially humble. Back-and-forth: humility parading and discovering Bold Outlay, and no worries if it is “Perfect” or “Worthy”: we simply Act, and because we did not deny License to that Idea called sinfulness, we coped with a dual track, both things true: that all action is couched in sin, and that perfectibility is possible in His Name.

He takes the blow. He takes the chagrin. He takes the learning curve. We are now and here Alert and Discipled, to serve the company and to wonder at how He made stars from dirt, heroes from sinners, plainly Licensed Servants and Soldiers from the riff-raff.

For all of us are both more Christian than we think, and less so: we learned on our early tutelage how not to rock the boat of class warfare, perhaps: self-judging ourselves to stay in our realm, not to ape the higher-ups, and so on. But also we gradually heard the Call, or suddenly, to Stand Tall. We were now lovers and friends to all peoples. And yet our inner sense of order asked for some sensibility around just how much space and latitude there is for each beggarly comer to operate in. Can we rightly fill the front pews, the audacious panel, the entitled committee? But of course we can! We are found already Content, and this is a godly license to Ascend, to be on the Ascent because Ascent is not our ambition nor our raison d’etre, but rather we stooped low in faith that at a right time, at some time, we might be told to “Come up here!”

To disciple, to operate, to see in our midst a blessed focus or even a blessed blindness, not to see how impossible are the ladders and how hopeless the plight of all riders of the city bus, to see the one class represented, and this not a very ascendant class… still, here is a joy; here is not blindness but couldn’t-care-less-ness, that there is space to Party and to Be, to celebrate and to build up proudly.

We are discipled until reaching that estate called Operational. In this estate we are able to Act without compunction, without overcautious hedging, without perfectionist waiting. We pretend it is our first Testimony that is on the line, and how urgent—but how blessed an occasion—to get it out of us. If we err, let us practice erring, let us understand a Higher Plan in effect. And we will alight upon it, enter its ballads and riffs, if only we will put behind us any compunction for malady and errant actions.

We will discover it. We will do it by second—discipled—nature. We do all these things through a Spirit who bears with us, and seeks for each of us Ascendancy and Meaning, to thrive and to carry our hardships. And here is that parable of mighty distancing being in place between us and certain others, or us and our former selves. Judgment is real: some really get blessed, and others mocked or worse. It isn’t all some level equanimous playing field that is somehow “fair”: some have much, and some little. No, we are those demoted until our beggarly status suddenly opens to us the Christian Gospel. We are demoted by our sins. We are demoted by our self-reliance and concomitant mistakes. We are found wanting, and therefore Open and Admissible to the hospital ward called Concern and Duty, called every society’s Right.