2023-07-01 A Meditation on Recharging

“13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love. 15 Now I urge you, brothers—you know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and that they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints— 16 be subject to such as these, and to every fellow worker and laborer. 17 I rejoice at the coming of Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus, because they have made up for your absence, 18 for they refreshed my spirit as well as yours. Give recognition to such people.” (1 Co 16:13–18 ESV)

Recharge. For all the heroes uniform, the heroes obedience, the heroes mindset, we are simultaneously bundles of work. The night was long. Somehow the mandate to go forth, the soldier’s imperative, the gusto of battle joined; amidst these, we suddenly see the inner soul flailing, healed now, willing despite a full plate of servanthood, to face the sensitive side. We can do more, not less, when our days are filled. We face our demons. We believe, for once, that plain love is available via God on High, via His Spirit, via our companion or supervisor; and that this love is limitless. This love heals the childhood stark trauma. This heals the ways each of us is irrational and on some kind of autopilot, if in times past abused then unnecessarily cautious and self-accusing; if in times of past invited to invoke and to act upon and to sally forth, then courageous and model for others of a ridiculous willingness, were it not what wins wars, to lead, to put all on the line, to rise and fall as the urgency, the stark reality, rises and falls.

For there were peaceful times, times when we longed to imitate a brother, sister, father or mother, teacher or streetside prophet. We too rose when finding Love, from again a fellow or gal in spiritual arms. We could do more, not less. We suddenly saw squarely the hindrance, the impediments, to that courageous forward attitude: an attitude that is so unapologetically bold as to invite massive distaste and retribution. Yet we wear the coat of many colors. We stand tall and insist. We know for sure others shall get accustomed to this brand of us, not the miserly nor the diminutive. In this, we are vouchsafed unto a core that makes us good people. A core that has lovable desire to give and to heal and to serve. Indeed, we are at times loved and at times forlorn, seeming alone. So again the long night of tossing and turning: perhaps today just enough imperative and mission was seen, as to lead to a trance of self-discovery: we are so courageous, yet so simple and needful of a few gestures, to remember a mother’s embrace or a father’s confidence. Rather, when we are shown Good Deeds, we do well by way of our unspoken trauma. Those mandates and hard workings, reveal that the toughest in our midst, is in possession of a side that is tears, crying, easily injured or discouraged. For all our uniformed boldness, we too benefit from the first light of day unto the waning hours of night, knowing something is front and center in our thoughts, some plain recollection as to why we enlisted in this Christian Project, some hurt cast our way or love embracing us. We are oddball and asymmetrical. We are harping on strange and unnecessary concepts. Our focus is in each waning hour to wonder as to why all such-and-such happened to us, or why we feel unlovable or awkward. Such backdrop does not diminish the quality of service: such are some of the strongest in our midst. So we endeavor after simple daylight workings. We endeavor after plain patient waiting. We endeavor after true appreciation of what composure and confidence is ours to own, and therefore ours to put at once to work in healing our peer.