2023-03-11 A Meditation on Hurried Thoughts

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life— the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us— that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.” (1 Jn 1:1–4 ESV)

Hurried thoughts, patient longing, introspective discipleship: in the trenches, in the platoon, in the field, there is a quality of being not found in hypotheticals, but fruit of actual service and actual consignment unto a soldiering call. As we turn that blind corner of a sort, our service mentality makes real these things. The hurried thought that, yes, Christ is with us. The patient longing that, yes, we wish upon a star for a new dawn. The introspective discipleship that, yes, God works in our hearts via penitence or measured self-discipline. So we are those who, to an unbelieving world, are “hypotheticals”, but to we ourselves, to our cohort, to our platoon and our rank and file drill and formation, take leaps and bounds unto a further location.

To weather the storms of any sins that have crept in, anything sinful that is inducted in, we find resolve in the unexpected. In the unforeseen fruit of simply weathering, soldiering, abiding, we find Creation and Creative juices flowing. No high-minded proof that the drill sergeant is a type of Christ to us, but rather a mutual distant vision, a glance beyond and together and in unity of experience, in united thoughts, in something that emerges not from idealized formations, but in the muck and the mess. We are hopeful that our march and our discipline of thought will today be blessed with actuality and real experience of the Divine.

We have made the friendships, in warp-speed it can seem yet and however that is an illusion: this friend we knew from way-back, just in another form. This other one has gone far ahead even of we ourselves, on the back of a shared cohort. That other one is quickly ratcheting up a home base formerly found elsewhere. In any event, to the soldier who wonders whether they must cringe and bear all manner of hardship, in truth, in fervent expectation of the nefarious, in cynicism; to this soldier is time of peace and of comfort, together with others and alone: not all Christian living is Cross and despair. We are frightened of a theoretical fact of life, that in the end we shall be abandoned, even by those close to us. That in truth life is one big slugfest, in which we shall not prevail. All these downward thoughts meet also upward proof of concept: I can and shall be peace in believing this very hour. I shall see strange habits forming around taking a bit of a breather come Sabbath rest, though it would seem I need always to be vigil-keeping and on guard. No, I shall rest and shall live a gentlemanly or gentle-lady’s life. On some level. In some manner. To some eyewitnesses.