2023-02-09 A Meditation on Encounter

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ” (Php 3:8 ESV)

It’s a bit of a badge of honor how we one-up all discouragement, all cataclysmic encounter, all undoing and relegating we go through, feeling like a wallflower, owning nothing, captivated by forlorn empty once-upon-a-time hopes. Time was, we felt systematically On. Time was, we had a vision for the community. Time was, we preached and lectured and spoke from an accumulated wealth, a spiritual inheritance.

And now, this. Sudden utter incompleteness, feeling incompetent. And the alternates! The cataclysmic encounter, world amidst world: these are the Christians! They are just as I remembered them! Only be thankful, that they listen; that they bless; that they welcome; but remember oneself the more harrowing livelihood, the more furtive game, the more scary environment. See us half sleepwalking, because we feel like that wallflower, feel like curling up in a ball and just disappearing. Where was I, before this judgment befell me? Was I quite possessed of all my marbles? And yet, the Christian in the room, who talks of love, who speaks up of patience, of belonging, of outreach. To these we look with marvel in our eyes. To these we extend verbal blessing and heartfelt union. To these we hurry to speak meaningful, outlandish perhaps, but meaningful and poignant words: we addressed the elephants in the room. We talked of licentiousness and sin. We spoke finally after so many years, about the rumors that have preceded us. We discovered highs and lows in alternate capacity, our lives utterly falling upon the Grace of our personal Jesus.

Time was, we had a few dogs in the fight. Time was, we knew the emphatic, finality of the Good Word; we said, enough of this, time I put up a flag and see who salutes. For we are soldiers, and possessed of a special calling, and alive in the urgent and painstakingly bold mighty thoughts. We are soldiers and alive if, and only if, we can talk up the love that goes through the war. There is war. There is coming together. There is a hope that the night will go on. There is spiritual order to be a leader, not to try to get just halfway there. To show individuality, certain no sin is too great for the comprehension of these dear souls whose patience has preceded them.